I was reading an article the other day that stated "Human existence and survival is based on cooperation. The mind and body are adversely affected without it. This is why social isolation is used as an effective form of torture." If you are feeding yourself negative social interactions or not interacting socially at all, you are literally torturing yourself on a small scale.
The quality of your social interactions and relationships plays a major role in your overall health. When you are around negativity or people that stress you our and give you anxiety there is a reaction in your brain that taps into your fight or flight system and releases certain hormones and chemical that promote inflammation in the body. If you are someone that is constantly stressed out because of the people you are around, then you have to change the people whom you are around. However, it doesn't always have to be in the sense of "I'm going to cut them out."
I want to emphasize the power of your "Circle of 5". As a human we can only have two to five close relationships. That's your inner circle. Those people are the ones you call if tragedy or crisis happens. They do not have to be people that you see everyday; it doesn't necessarily have to be someone that you talk to everyday, but they are "your people". You can only really have 2-5. When I first heart about this I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I am someone who can only maintain 2-5 close relationships and I used to feel so guilty about it. I would have a new relationship budding over here, and this one over there would take a back seat. Over time, my Circle of 5 has condensed and maintained consistency.
You often become who you surround yourself with. If you think of the two to five people you are closest with, you will start to realize that you emulate those people. My husband says he can tell when I have been hanging out with so-and-so. Not in a bad way, but by how I talk or my mindset. I get coffee with one of my best friends weekly. She stimulates my creative mind and, after I have talked with her, I have all of these ideas. I have another friend who stimulates my spiritual thoughts. After I've hung out with her, I want to read and study my Bible. So you can tell who I've been around based on my conversation and what I'm doing. We become the five people that we surround ourselves with.
Research shows that the human brain only has the capacity to maintain 150 relationships maximum. That would be your outer circle, your acquaintances. If you try to go beyond that, you are actually taxing your system, spreading yourself thin and you are not nurturing the relationships that are most meaningful.
I have an activity for you. You need a pen and a piece of paper with four columns. In the first column, list the people you love in your life. You can have five max. You don't have to have five, but you can have no more than five. In the second column put 3-5 bullet points of why you love them. What do they do that brings you joy, enhances your life and/or makes you a better person? The third column is for people you tolerate. These are people that you really wish you didn't have to be around, but you tolerate for some reason or another. Many times family, extended family or in-laws can fall into this category. Other examples could be a co-worker or maybe it is a friend. In the fourth column list what about this person is so negative or why you tolerate them. The people who are in the middle don't go in either column. Remember, you can have up to 150 people in your life at one time. It is ok for someone to not be in either column. We are trying to narrow down our inner circle.
Once you make your lists, go to the bottom of your page and list ideas for how you will show appreciation to the people you love. It does not have to be extravagant. It could be a text message, a phone call or an email. Those are all free. You can write a card - that doesn't cost much. You could treat them to coffee. It does not have to cost you a lot of money to show people you appreciate them. The more you show appreciation for the people who fulfill your life, the more they will fulfill your life. It is a self-feeding circle. The more you surround yourself with people who give you positive feedback, the more you will want to surround yourself with those people. This will in turn make the "tolerate" people fade away.
The second step is to change your mindset about the people you tolerate. Start to think positively about what they have to offer you. Not in a selfish way, but what do they have to offer you as a human being. When you look for the positive things you will find them. Maybe the person you currently tolerate will become an "in between" person. They don't have to move from the tolerate column to the love column.
This will change your life. If you are filling yourself with positivity, have these positive thoughts and positive emotions, you will have positive actions which will give you positive results and it will keep snowballing. The same goes for negative. Going forward you have to choose what's best for you and that is not selfish. You are the only you that you have. It's not always easy; sometimes it's really hard. However, it is achievable and it is attainable and it doesn't even have to cost you any money. It will cost time and effort. You have the power to drastically change your life.
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